Texting etiquette

Is it just me, or is it really easier to text people that we don’t know well than calling them?

In a flirty or a friendly situation, I find that it is safer to text a person. Not sure if that is an illusion, or just a trick my mind pays with my insecurity. But I guess that having this sort-of direct and sort-of indirect communication is distant enough, but still provides an instant result.

But is it rude to text people before you get to know them well?

Say, it’s a first or second date and you need to pick out a restaurant or a movie to go to. Or if you are going camping with a friend of a friend – is it OK to just start texting that person without a proper in-person introduction? Or is it rude and impersonal and lame?

And in general, what is appropriate and not appropriate to do via text.

I mentioned earlier that I was once broken up with via a text message. Was that cool? Or offensive?

There are some interesting suggestions about texting Do’s and Don’ts out there on the web.

Here are some that I like:

The Dos and Don’ts of Text-Message Flirting

The Do's and Don'ts of Texting In Relationships

The Art of Text Messaging (SMS) – DOs and DON’Ts for Couples In Love

I don’t agree with all of them and I don’t suggest adhering to all of them either. Guidelines are there to be broken sometimes.

But I have a couple of principles that I follow myself religiously:

I try not to shorten words at all. I like sentences to look like sentences and not line a collection of assorted letters. I think it shows to the receiver of the text that I respect them and take the time and make an effort to spell every word. I also try to capitalize the letters that require capitalizing – names, titles etc. For the same reason basically, to show the person on the other side of the conversation that I respect them.

I try not to discuss important matters. If there is an important decision to make, or if there is a sensitive subject or situation. I try to wait to see the person face-to-face or of that is not possible, to call them.

I also try to never pick fights or express my emotion over texts. That is really hard to do, because it is so easy to write a nasty little acidic text that would provide instant gratification to my anger at the time. So stopping myself and putting it off till later is hard and frankly, I don’t always succeed at it, but I always try.

On the other hand, I love texting. I love sharing my thoughts and excitement with people I know and who care about me.

When in a relationship, I love sending and receiving texts. They create this thin line of communication that makes me feel like the person is with me all the time. Although I am very careful about not overdoing it. Sending one or two nice messages a day is more than enough.

I think it is very useful to text when making small plans, like picking a restaurant, because there is no need to memorize anything, the record stays in the phone, easy to reach for.

And as for breaking up – for me it is a HUGE no-no. I actually am quite old-fashioned and think that breaking up warrants a personal meeting. It is very unpleasant, but respectful of the other person. I’ve been in phone break-ups too. Those are more acceptable if the relationship wasn’t long. But texting or emaling – never never never.